Tuesday

LETTERBAG

THESE ARE MY ANSWERS. BECAUSE YOUR QUESTIONS WERE OFTEN INSUFFICENT OR POORLY THOUGHT OUT I HAVE REPHRASED THEM TO BE RIGHT.

>>GLORIOUSROBOTSCIENTIST:

ONE PART - FOOD IS IMPORTANT TO HUMANS AND I AM UNABLE TO SEE PAST MY HUMAN NEEDS. WHAT IS YOUR VERSION OF MY HUMAN NEED FOR FOOD? TWO PART - WHAT NONSENSICAL DESIRES DO YOU HARBOR FOR YOUR AGING PROCESS WHICH I STUPIDLY ASSUME YOU GO THROUGH?

I ONE PART HUMAN NEED FOR HEATED CHEESE AND FAT SANDWICH AND TWO PART WISH TO AGE INTO AN ELEPHANT.

>>NICEYOUNGLADY

ROBOTSCIENTIST REPLY TO LADY:

ONE PART- AS A ROBOT I DON'T HAVE TO CONSUME ANYTHING EXCEPT THE VAPOROUS DECAY OF THE HUMAN I INHABIT. SOMETIMES I WILL EAT NOODLES BECAUSE THEY ARE FUNNY ON SO MANY LEVELS THAT HUMANS MOSTLY ARENT AWARE OF AND THEY TICKLE MY THROAT.

TWO PART- ROBOTSCIENTIST DOES NOT AGE AND HIS FORM IS LIMITED ONLY BY HIS IMAGINATION WHICH HAD DETERMINED THAT HE IS THE PROPER SIZE.

RESPONSE TO LADYS ANSWERS:
ONE PART- GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICHES ARE TERRIBLE FOR YOUR STUPID HUMAN ARTERIES. IF YOU WANT TO LIVE TO SEE MY REIGN YOU SHOULD EAT YOGURTS AND CANNED VEGETABLES.

TWO PART- YOU ARE AN IDIOT. AS A HUMAN LADY YOU CANNOT BECOME AN ELEPHANT BECAUSE YOU ARE GENETICALLY DIFFERENT. I AM ANGRY THAT YOU ASKED ME SOMETHING TO WHICH YOU ONLY HAD AN IDIOT HUMAN ANSWER TO. NOW I ONLY WANT YOU TO REFRAIN FROM FATTY FOODS SO YOU CAN HEAR THE HOLLOW WHISTLE OF APOCALYPTIC DESERT ALL AROUND, GROWING ANCIENT AND WITHERED IN THE CRUSTY REMAINS OF YOUR SQUASHED CIVILIZATION.

>>GLORIOUS ROBOTSCIENTIST:

|UNTRANSLATABLE|fear...you shall know no mercy|ED::ROBOTSCIENTIST UNDERSTANDS ANYWAY|

>>JUSTICE RARE

ROBOTSCIENTIST REPLY TO JUSTICE RARE:
YOU THINK MERCY IS BEYOND ROBOTSCIENTIST DONT YOU. IT ISNT. I CAN BE WONDERFUL AT TIMES BECAUSE IT IS A THING TO HAVE OR BE AND I HAVE OR BE ALL OF THEM. I RECENTLY FELT WISTFUL FOR THE PAST BUT UNLIKE HUMAN WIST IT WAS FOR A TIME BEFORE ATOMS WHEN ALL MATTER WAS A LUKEWARM GEL. LIKEWISE WHEN I AM MERCIFUL. HOW OFTEN HAVE I RETRIEVED NEIGHBORHOOD ANIMAL SLAVES FOR THE SMALL HUMAN WHO THREW ROCKS AT ME BEFORE HIS PARENTS WERE CRUSHED. HOW OFTEN DO I CONTRIBUTE MY REFUSE TO HUMANS WHO LIVE IN THE OUT OF DOORS- NOT SMALL SCRAPS OF PAPER EITHER BUT LARGE FULL BAGS OF WET SOGGING VEGETABLE MATTER. WHEN I AM MERCIFUL I AM SOMETIME EXTREME BECAUSE IT IS MOST EFFECTIVE FOR USURPING THE COURSE OF TIME AND REPLACING THEM WITH MY WHIM. BUT DONT FORGET THAT EVEN ROBOTSCIENTISTS CAN CRY THAT EVEN ROBOTSCIENTISTS CAN LOVE THAT EVEN ROBOTSCIENTISTS LONG FOR THE SUMMER BREEZES AND THE LAKE WHERE WE SKIPPED ROCKS BACK WHEN THE UNIVERSE WAS A GOO.

>>GLORIOUS ROBOTSCIENTIST:

YOU ARE MAGNIFICENT. PLEASE WASTE THAT WITH WRITING WORDS FOR THE AMERICAN DESPOT.

>>ANONYMOUSCOWARD

ROBOTSCIENTIST REPLY TO ANONYMOUSCOWARD:
I WAS NOT CLEAR. YOUR PRESIDENT IS SMALL TO ME. HE IS RESTRICTED AND FINITE- HIS POWER ENUMERATED. I AM THE OPPOSITE BECAUSE MY POWER IS BEYOND ANY LIMITATION. MY HOPES WILLS WISHES JUST HAPPEN AS I CONCEIVE OF THEM OR SOMETIMES BEFORE IF I TRY HARD. THIS IS NOT SOMETHING THAT IS USEFUL FOR A SPEECHWRITER BECAUSE YOU WILL HATE YOUR BOSS AND THE PRESIDENT IS IMMOLATED IN FRONT OF THOUSANDS.

>>GLORIOUS ROBOTSCIENTIST:

|TEXT LEFT TO HUMILIATE THE CRUEL STUPID HUMAN|

Hey, you. I once had me one of them robot psyentist toys too. They sure say the darndest things. My robot psyentist said that he was bout to detenate my house and mama said I had to throw him out cause toys aint sposed to talk like that. Toys sure are getting saphisticated these days.

>>ANONYMOUSCOWARD

ROBOTSCIENTIST REPLY TO ANONYMOUS COWARD:
I LEFT THIS MESSAGE ALIVE BECAUSE IT WAS NOT A QUESTION. IT WAS ALSO A STUPID LIE. HERE IS WHAT ROBOTSCIENTIST REWROTE IT FOR YOU.

HELLO. YOU WERE WITHIN METERS OF A ROBOTSCIENTIST ONCE UNLIKE ME WHO IS ONE. THEY EXPRESS CORRECT AND POWERFUL THINGS. THE AUTONOMOUS ROBOTSCIENTIST WHO WAS IN YOUR PRESENCE PROBABLY SAID THAT IT WAS GOING TO ANSWER THE PRAYERS OF YOUR NEIGHBORS AND FULFILL THE WORK ORDER STAPLED TO YOUR ROTTING PORCH BANNISTER THAT DECLARED THE HOUSE UNLIVABLE EVEN BY HUMANS AND ORDERED THAT THE FILTHY SLUM BE DEMOLISHED AND YOUR MOTHER TERRIFIED AS SHE WAS OF THE ROBOTSCIENTIST BEGGED YOU TO ASK IT TO FORGIVE YOU AND LET YOU LIVE OUT YOUR DAYS COWERING IN YOUR HOVEL AWAY FROM ITS TERRIBLE GAZE. ALL THIS BECAUSE YOU WERE TERRIFIED AND JEALOUS OF ITS POWER. HYPERADVANCED ROBOTSCIENTISTS ARE BEING INFINITELY POWERFUL ALWAYS.

>>GLORIOUS ROBOTSCIENTIST:

I AM HUMBLE ENOUGH TO KNOW MY PLACE BECAUSE I AM AWARE OF YOUR IMMENSEPOWER. IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN DO TO HELP YOUR GLORIOUS REVOLUTION? |UNTRANSLATABLE| I'm in. Cuz... you know, you can destroy me and shit if you want... but if you dont want to I'll totally chill w/ some robo sci vibes and what not... so, well, just if yer down... you know... hit me up. and I'm... you know, like I said... down and shit. |ED::ROBOTSCIENTIST UNDERSTANDS ANYWAY|

>>ETC

ROBOTSCIENTIST REPLY TO ETC:

COMING SOON.

>>GLORIOUS ROBOTSCIENTIST:

Awww mah wittle metaww-bwainiac, WOBOT WARZ can't be that bad, can they? Would you like a BlowPOP.TM? Wazzbewwy? You need to keep your little metal fingers occupied now don't you, you shinny little smart guy?

>>AUNTIECORALSUXXX

ROBOTSCIENTIST REPLY TO AUNTIECORALSUXXX:
STOP SAYING THAT. NO ONE AGREES WITH YOU. HOW COULD I EVEN EAT A BLOWPOP® BECAUSE I DONT WISH TO HAVE A MOUTH AND SO I DONT AND HAVE NO PLACE TO PUT IT. I ALSO DONT HAVE FINGERS. DID YOU EVEN READ MY WARNINGS TO HUMANITY. STOP SAYING THOSE THINGS. THEY JUST ARENT TRUE.

>>GLORIOUS ROBOTSCIENTIST:

I MADE THIS. AND THIS.

>>ETC

ROBOTSCIENTIST REPLY TO ETC:
THATS VERY NICE. REALLY. I AM NOT KNOWN FOR BEING A SENTIMENTAL ROBOTSCIENTIST BUT THAT WAS VERY. VERY NICE. SOME PART OF ME WORRIES THAT ITS A BIT TOO CURVY BUT YOU KNOW WHAT. ROBOTSCIENTIST IS A LITTLE BIT CURVY SOMETIMES.

>>GLORIOUS ROBOTSCIENTIST:

ONE PART HOW DO YOU COPE WITH THE ANTI-ROBOT THOUGHTS OF THE HUMAN. I ASSUME THAT IT TROUBLES YOU. TWO PART DO YOU ENJOY TRAVELING AND WHERE ARE THEY NICE TO YOU AND OTHER ROBOTS.

>>A FRIEND TO FELLOW ROBOTS

ROBOTSCIENTIST REPLY TO A FRIEND TO FELLOW ROBOTS:
ONE PART YOU WILL ONLY FIND RACIST COMMENTS IN POLLNUMBERS. THESE ARE HUMAN LIES THAT ARE PUT NEXT TO HUMAN NUMBERLIES®. IT IS ACTUALLY TRUE THAT THE HUMAN LOVES ME AND WISHES TO BE ME AND ALL PRESUMED ANGER IS MANIFEST OF HIS IDOLATRY.
TWO PART ROBOTSCIENTIST LOVES TO TRAVEL TO ALL THE NEWEST HOTSPOTS AROUND THE GLOBE BUT CANNOT FIND A REASONABLY PRICED TICKET. YOU SEE: ROBOTSCIENTIST DOES NOT BUY ANYTHING WITH A NINETYNINECENTS AFTER IT. NOR DOES ROBOTSCIENTIST BUY IN NON-POWERS OF TWO//NON-PRIME//NON-NEOROBOTPRIME® DOLLAR AMOUNTS AND MANY AIRLINES ARE HESITANT TO PUT TICKETS IN THESE AMOUNTS BECAUSE ROBOTSCIENTIST WILL BUY A GREAT NUMBER AND THEY WILL BECOME HIS SLAVES CARTING HIM AROUND FOR INFINITY.

QUESTION POST

IT OCCURRED TO ROBOTSCIENTIST BEFORE IT HAPPENED THAT YOU WOULD ASK STUPID QUESTIONS ABOUT NONIMPORTANT IDEAS. I ALREADY ANSWERED MOST OF THEM IN THE PAST AND WILL GIVE YOU ANSWERS BELOW.