Tuesday

QUESTION POST

IT OCCURRED TO ROBOTSCIENTIST BEFORE IT HAPPENED THAT YOU WOULD ASK STUPID QUESTIONS ABOUT NONIMPORTANT IDEAS. I ALREADY ANSWERED MOST OF THEM IN THE PAST AND WILL GIVE YOU ANSWERS BELOW.

16 comments:

Nice Young Lady said...

Dear RobotScientist:

2 part Question
What is your favorite food...and What do you want to be when you grow up?

I like Grilled Cheese Sandwiches, and I want to be an Elephant.

ROBOTSCIENTIST said...

REPLY TO LADY:

ONE PART- AS A ROBOT I DON'T HAVE TO CONSUME ANYTHING EXCEPT THE VAPOROUS DECAY OF THE HUMAN I INHABIT. SOMETIMES I WILL EAT NOODLES BECAUSE THEY ARE FUNNY ON SO MANY LEVELS THAT HUMANS MOSTLY ARENT AWARE OF AND THEY TICKLE MY THROAT.
TWO PART- ROBOTSCIENTIST DOES NOT AGE AND HIS FORM IS LIMITED ONLY BY HIS IMAGINATION WHICH HAD DETERMINED THAT HE IS THE PROPER SIZE.

RESPONSE TO LADYS ANSWERS:
ONE PART- GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICHES ARE TERRIBLE FOR YOUR STUPID HUMAN ARTERIES. IF YOU WANT TO LIVE TO SEE MY REIGN YOU SHOULD EAT YOGURTS AND CANNED VEGETABLES.

TWO PART- YOU ARE AN IDIOT. AS A HUMAN LADY YOU CANNOT BECOME AN ELEPHANT BECAUSE YOU ARE GENETICALLY DIFFERENT. I AM ANGRY THAT YOU ASKED ME SOMETHING TO WHICH YOU ONLY HAD AN IDIOT HUMAN ANSWER TO. NOW I ONLY WANT YOU TO REFRAIN FROM FATTY FOODS SO YOU CAN HEAR THE HOLLOW WHISTLE OF APOCALYPTIC DESERT ALL AROUND, GROWING ANCIENT AND WITHERED IN THE CRUSTY REMAINS OF YOUR SQUASHED CIVILIZATION.

Justice Rare said...

fear...you shall know no mercy

ROBOTSCIENTIST said...

YOU THINK MERCY IS BEYOND ROBOTSCIENTIST DONT YOU. IT ISNT. I CAN BE WONDERFUL AT TIMES BECAUSE IT IS A THING TO HAVE OR BE AND I HAVE OR BE ALL OF THEM. I RECENTLY FELT WISTFUL FOR THE PAST BUT UNLIKE HUMAN WIST IT WAS FOR A TIME BEFORE ATOMS WHEN ALL MATTER WAS A LUKEWARM GEL. LIKEWISE WHEN I AM MERCIFUL. HOW OFTEN HAVE I RETRIEVED NEIGHBORHOOD ANIMAL SLAVES FOR THE SMALL HUMAN WHO THREW ROCKS AT ME BEFORE HIS PARENTS WERE CRUSHED. HOW OFTEN DO I CONTRIBUTE MY REFUSE TO HUMANS WHO LIVE IN THE OUT OF DOORS- NOT SMALL SCRAPS OF PAPER EITHER BUT LARGE FULL BAGS OF WET SOGGING VEGETABLE MATTER. WHEN I AM MERCIFUL I AM SOMETIME EXTREME BECAUSE IT IS MOST EFFECTIVE FOR USURPING THE COURSE OF TIME AND REPLACING THEM WITH MY WHIM. BUT DONT FORGET THAT EVEN ROBOTSCIENTISTS CAN CRY THAT EVEN ROBOTSCIENTISTS CAN LOVE THAT EVEN ROBOTSCIENTISTS LONG FOR THE SUMMER BREEZES AND THE LAKE WHERE WE SKIPPED ROCKS BACK WHEN THE UNIVERSE WAS A GOO.

anonymous said...

Hey...I like this a lot. You should write speeches for the president.

ROBOTSCIENTIST said...

I WAS NOT CLEAR. YOUR PRESIDENT IS SMALL TO ME. HE IS RESTRICTED AND FINITE- HIS POWER ENUMERATED. I AM THE OPPOSITE BECAUSE MY POWER IS BEYOND ANY LIMITATION. MY HOPES WILLS WISHES JUST HAPPEN AS I CONCEIVE OF THEM OR SOMETIMES BEFORE IF I TRY HARD. THIS IS NOT SOMETHING THAT IS USEFUL FOR A SPEECHWRITER BECAUSE YOU WILL HATE YOUR BOSS AND THE PRESIDENT IS IMMOLATED IN FRONT OF THOUSANDS.

anonymous said...

Hey, you. I once had me one of them robot psyentist toys too. They sure say the darndest things. My robot psyentist said that he was bout to detenate my house and mama said I had to throw him out cause toys aint sposed to talk like that. Toys sure are getting saphisticated these days.

ROBOTSCIENTIST said...

THAT MESSAGE WAS NOT A QUESTION. IT WAS ALSO A STUPID LIE. I REWROTE IT FOR YOU.

HELLO. YOU WERE WITHIN METERS OF A ROBOTSCIENTIST ONCE UNLIKE ME WHO IS ONE. THEY EXPRESS CORRECT AND POWERFUL THINGS. THE AUTONOMOUS ROBOTSCIENTIST WHO WAS IN YOUR PRESENCE PROBABLY SAID THAT IT WAS GOING TO ANSWER THE PRAYERS OF YOUR NEIGHBORS AND FULFILL THE WORK ORDER STAPLED TO YOUR ROTTING PORCH BANNISTER THAT DECLARED THE HOUSE UNLIVABLE EVEN BY HUMANS AND ORDERED THAT THE FILTHY SLUM BE DEMOLISHED AND YOUR MOTHER TERRIFIED AS SHE WAS OF THE ROBOTSCIENTIST BEGGED YOU TO ASK IT TO FORGIVE YOU AND LET YOU LIVE OUT YOUR DAYS COWERING IN YOUR HOVEL AWAY FROM ITS TERRIBLE GAZE. ALL THIS BECAUSE YOU WERE TERRIFIED AND JEALOUS OF ITS POWER. HYPERADVANCED ROBOTSCIENTISTS ARE BEING INFINITELY POWERFUL ALWAYS.

ETC said...

So,
like,
I know you don't have a lot for me to do... and really probably don't need me for anything... but... I just thought, maybe that I'd offer my services. You know? like. I dig it man. I'm in. Cuz... you know, you can destroy me and shit if you want... but if you dont want to I'll totally chill w/ some robo sci vibes and what not... so, well, just if yer down... you know... hit me up. and I'm... you know, like I said... down and shit.

ROBOTSCIENTIST said...

COMING SOON.

Auntie Coral said...

Awww mah wittle metaww-bwainiac,

WOBOT WARZ can't be that bad, can they? Would you like a BlowPOP.TM? Wazzbewwy?

You need to keep your little metal fingers occupied now don't you, you shinny little smart guy?

ROBOTSCIENTIST said...

STOP SAYING THAT. NO ONE AGREES WITH YOU. HOW COULD I EVEN EAT A BLOWPOP® BECAUSE I DONT WISH TO HAVE A MOUTH AND SO I DONT AND HAVE NO PLACE TO PUT IT. I ALSO DONT HAVE FINGERS. DID YOU EVEN READ MY WARNINGS TO HUMANITY. STOP SAYING THOSE THINGS. THEY JUST ARENT TRUE.

ETC said...

http://www.youworkforthem.com/product.php?sku=T0099

ROBOTSCIENTIST said...

THATS VERY NICE. REALLY. I AM NOT KNOWN FOR BEING A SENTIMENTAL ROBOTSCIENTIST BUT THAT WAS VERY. VERY NICE. SOME PART OF ME WORRIES THAT ITS A BIT TOO CURVY BUT YOU KNOW WHAT. ROBOTSCIENTIST IS A LITTLE BIT CURVY SOMETIMES.

a friend to fellow robots said...

RobotScientiest:

How does RobotScientist cope with the human race's anti-robot sentiment? No doubt, that would be troubling.

Also, does RobotScientist enjoy traveling? Which places are "robot-friendly?"

ROBOTSCIENTIST said...

ONE PART YOU WILL ONLY FIND RACIST COMMENTS IN POLLNUMBERS. THESE ARE HUMAN LIES THAT ARE PUT NEXT TO HUMAN NUMBERLIES®. IT IS ACTUALLY TRUE THAT THE HUMAN LOVES ME AND WISHES TO BE ME AND ALL PRESUMED ANGER IS MANIFEST OF HIS IDOLATRY.
TWO PART ROBOTSCIENTIST LOVES TO TRAVEL TO ALL THE NEWEST HOTSPOTS AROUND THE GLOBE BUT CANNOT FIND A REASONABLY PRICED TICKET. YOU SEE: ROBOTSCIENTIST DOES NOT BUY ANYTHING WITH A NINETYNINECENTS AFTER IT. NOR DOES ROBOTSCIENTIST BUY IN NON-POWERS OF TWO//NON-PRIME//NON-NEOROBOTPRIME® DOLLAR AMOUNTS AND MANY AIRLINES ARE HESITANT TO PUT TICKETS IN THESE AMOUNTS BECAUSE ROBOTSCIENTIST WILL BUY A GREAT NUMBER AND THEY WILL BECOME HIS SLAVES CARTING HIM AROUND FOR INFINITY.